The Bets-Gazette

sick

2012-02-07T16:33:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don't know:

I've been sick lately.
I got sick three weeks ago Thursday. Diagnosed with Pneumonia the following Monday. Have been keeping it on the d/l ever since. I went to the doctor again yesterday where I got my third round of medication. Woot.

Although I have been sick, here are some pictures of the adventures I have had while being sick:
1) Visiting Seattle to see John Green/get him to sign my book.

a) Rach and my delicious food at some swanky place downtown.

Can I just say how awesome it was to see Rachel Ehlen/Williams? We got to talk about
all sorts of things, like being non conformists and the interesting atypical lives we have led, along
with our sisters in nonconformity: Marae and Mego.

My posh hostel room. I wouldn't say I loved living in a hostel,
I would have rather had a friend while I was there, but I did prefer
it to being in a hotel by myself.

awesome sign in Seattle. Every day at about 2 I would get up,
shower, and walk around to fetch some lunch. But most of the time I
stayed in bed and watched Doctor Who on Netflix.

I told you this hostel had the right idea. Free breakfast, and clean showers!

This great Mediterranean place I ate at in Seattle. 3rd and Vine.

hilarious.

at the mall where the book signing was they gave us footprints
to find it if we went in the wrong door (which I did)

Anything referencing twilight fandoms sells poorly at Nerdfighteria events

The DFTBA cupcakes however...

book I got signed for Eliza. We got 3 things. I got a book for her,
a book for me, and a poster for me.

Knitted giant squid of anger given to me by a nerdfighter. It will make its way around the globe with me, and its travels shall be posted on tumblr.

the van!

Me touching the poof!

Me and the van!

Me touching the poof with some color doctoring!

Hank Green looking at me!

By the way, all of the pictures of me with the van I owe to a great nerdfighter who also gave me a ride home that night. I also have pictures of meeting Hank and John due to her kindness.

little blue box

2012-01-27T08:56:00.000-08:00

For a minute
I thought the little icon next to my screen name in gchat
was a Tardis:

if only.

And then all of you could know
when I was at home on my laptop
or when I was traveling with The Doctor.
For your convenience.

One of Those Girls

2011-10-06T18:08:00.000-07:00

that kind

not a cookie girl (the one who brings around cookies as an excuse to visit boys' apartments--although I have been that in the past)

not a cheerleader (if you need elaboration on the negative stereotypes of cheerleaders, I suggest you read a different blog. Some of my best allusions may elude you)

but one of THOSE girls

the ones who can't talk about anything but their boyfriend.

who can hardly speak a sentence without saying "Well Gage and I," or "Gage thinks," or "I was talking to Gage the other day..." you get it.

And that's right. Gage. The name of my boyfriend. B-O-Y-F-R-I-E-N-D. (See, I told you I was one of those girls).

He got my number on campus (after a discussion about which Peter Pan movie was the best--prompted by a ringtone--C.S. Lewis vs J.R.R. Tolkien, and the unacceptable edits to the recent release of the classic Star Wars movies on BluRay).

and we made plans for that weekend.

Saturday night he asked when he could see me on Sunday.

Sunday we went on a walk.

and now I have a boyfriend. Who I am tickled pink to tell people about (apparently).

I could tell you more. But I'm trying to kick the habit.

Ok, maybe a little bit more.

He's got glasses that rival mine, which is the first thing anyone notices about us when we're together because we are the same sort of hipster-esque intellectuals. I think he's handsome, and the first time he tried to hold my hand his hand was completely asleep (from being pinned behind my shoulders. I was cold) which was hilarious. He's more of a Harry Potter nerd than I am, (believe it or not) and is from Chicago, 25 (just like me!), loves metal bands (not like me), and he is pretty pleased with this whole dating situation (very, very much--like me).

Other important updates:

I am a special ed. aid at an elementary school here, part time. I love it. Yesterday I had a fifth grader ask me if I would take him to Rio (we were studying geography) I think he has a thing for me. Other hilarious things I have heard kids say:

"Do you pull hairs from your chin?"

"No."

"Oh. My Mom does."

"The happiest day of my life was when I was born, even though I was crying, they were tears of joy."

Hearing a second grader sing "Baby" by Justin Bieber at the top of his lungs while on the swings.

Seeing a kindergartener come running out of the lunchroom onto the playground yelling "YESSSSSS! SWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGS!!!!" [throws backpack down and dashes to swings].

"I can speak spanish"

"Ok Joe. Tell me something in spanish"

[Joe walks away]

[Joe comes back]

"I can dance in spanish."

"Oh yeah?"

[Joe does the best impression of spanish Buzz Lightyear I have ever seen]

my life is full of love.

Beautiful

2011-10-04T12:30:00.000-07:00

there is a girl with hair this color in my short story class

i'm forever looking it and marveling at the beauty of humankind

good enough

2011-05-06T20:51:00.000-07:00

I always felt like I was running around, waiting for someone to stop me and tell me that I was good enough. What I realized today, is that the person I was waiting for...is me.

I found out how I want to be proposed to:

2011-04-18T07:10:00.000-07:00

Pretty nerdy, I know. But it's the truth.

Alex

2011-04-04T10:34:00.000-07:00

there is this boy I know who is always enthusiastic; he is always excited to see everyone, and endlessly supportive.

I want to be him.

today I definitely saw one of my friends (acquaintance?) and high-fived her and said "I love you," before darting off to class.

I feel like I've lost that behavior lately.
however I'm working on regaining it.

I'll let you know how this quest goes.

Maybe this is the real challenge: keeping your personality in the midst of turbulence.

the latest

2011-03-24T22:18:00.000-07:00

"Stop worrying about what you are not, and start caring about what you are." - Gregory

"I never did anything for a million pounds that I wouldn't have done for free.

I am a facist, its true, but I feel like you have to be that way in creativity.

There is a nobility in poverty and I think I've never lost that." - Ricky Gervais

"The world is full of kings and queens who blind your eyes and steal your dreams"- Black Sabbath

Just some quotes I felt like keeping.

Oh you mean you want an actual update?

Hm. Well.

I have been working on giving up anger for lent. I think it is one of the most wasteful emotions ever, and I hope I keep this habit. The other day, I even gave up being angry with myself.

This semester I have had to take a long, hard, look at myself. It is a little bit scary (see also: VERY scary). I am working on liking what I see, before I try to change it. I feel like that will make it much easier to change, when I want to.

sadness

2011-03-09T21:55:00.000-08:00

"I'm feeling a little blue myself. You know, a little anxious for no particular reason, a little sad that I should feel anxious at this age, you know, a little self-conscious anxiety resulting in non-specific sadness..."-The Drowsy Chaperone

Things that make me sad:
overhearing people talk in the library about how if they every have a gay kid they are going to kick him out.
wanting to call my Mom but knowing she's too busy.
feeling left behind in school.

All of these things happened today.

Deep thoughts

2011-02-28T23:20:00.000-08:00

not really.

Deepthoughtsfrom123.blogspot.com The apartment quote blog. Sometimes risqué.

more poetry

2011-02-25T08:19:00.000-08:00

screenshots from G. Love's new video

at first it was the hands that got me

and then the beauty of a man singing on a porch

with a country house in the background.

the epitome of a simple life

beautiful

like a poem (the picture of the simple life)

capturing a poem (the song)

while being performed.

dating someone

2011-01-31T08:58:00.000-08:00

when I'm dating someone
I become a better person

this may be unusual, but
I get to bed on time (because we both have class at 8)
I take better care of myself (makeup-wise)
I eat healthier
I get more of my homework done

it's pretty nice

not that I'm dating anyone (yet)

I don't have to run around losing sleep
hoping something will happen
Looking pretty for someone is nice
(unlike the pointless makeup-ing of yesteryear)
I don't have to eat comfort food
to make myself feel better
And studying is easier
knowing he's studying too

...and later we can have fun.

this is all in theory, of course. It doesn't bear resemblance to my actual life. Yet.

this is pretty dang self-centered

2011-01-12T10:41:00.000-08:00

It is my birthday tomorrow

if you are so overcome with guilt that you forgot

and positively must get me a present

to soothe your conscience

here is my etsy wishlist

Condoleezza Rice is coming to campus tomorrow as well

I am thinking about going to the question and answer

and beginning my question with "My name is Betsy and it's my birthday

...."

perhaps she will wish me happy birthday

I just need a good question

this is pretty dang self-centered

being mad at the Spirit

2011-01-12T10:08:00.000-08:00

Last week

I got a prompting I didn't understand
and didn't want to follow.

And I resisted.

You can only resist for so long though
and finally,
I caved
to the superior [everything] (intellect, planning, knowledge, creativity)
del Señor.

Once I did follow it
I found out that I should have earlier
so I could have more time
to talk to my friend

who has a break when I do
unbeknownst to me
whom I love
(beknownst to me)
and needed to talk to
unbeknownst to me

not for his health
but for mine.

being mad at the spirit
never works for me.

Lesson learned (for the umpteenth time)

un problema

2011-01-11T20:46:00.000-08:00

de limites

everything is a problem of limits
is it not?

argentina vs. chile

that's what my professor said

"siempre es un problema de limites."
and I thought

you betcha!

like what can I and what can't I do in my life

always a problem of limits

believe in the wrong ones
in either direction
--you are too easily satisfied (when you could have achieved so much more)
--or always disappointed (at what you couldn't do)

right?

shadows

2010-12-31T21:16:00.000-08:00

once, someone pointed out to me, that the closer you get to a source of light, the bigger your shadow gets as well
the closer I get to God, the more apparent it is how much work I have to do.

this is a good parallel, I think.

the first words

2010-12-29T23:19:00.001-08:00

my ex-boyfriend said when he saw me,
"You look amazing!"

so. gratifying.

education > information via Mr. Green

2010-12-29T22:59:00.000-08:00

Mr Green (John Green) provides some much-needed delineation.

information=facts
education=knowing which facts are really the important ones

If you're really in a crunch for time, watch from 0:25 to 0:37 and from 1:40 to 3:07. But, seriously, this man is one of my idols. And you will miss an informative, funny bit about lemmings if you stick to the aforementioned parameters. If you don't have 4 minutes for one of my idols, why are you reading this right now?

I don't want to turn into a fangirl here, but I do want to elaborate on the previously mentioned idolatry. Isaiah thought ancient Israel didn't take it seriously enough, and I don't want to make the same mistake.

John Green is one of the leading authors of YA lit today. He has published Looking for Alaska, An Abundance of Katherines, Paper Towns, and Will Grayson, Will Grayson.

His writing is funny, he catches the teenage voice admirably, and he does not stray far from life, nor its more trying, complicated, undeniably difficult issues--intertwined with more complexity, being heightened by hormones and identity-searching--familiar elements to anyone who has ever been a young adult. He has a YouTube channel which has so many causes but I will only list my favorite: Don't Forget to be Awesome. He is also a father. A loving father. He waves a flag for enthusiasm and creativity that is impossible to ignore.

That being said, he is one of my idols.

And the need for disambiguation between information and education has never been so needed. Many people think they can teach themselves, and it's true--you can. Good luck. Context, though, is the relevant issue. I think that an ignorant person would say that context is just another group of facts, however true context is not seeing all of the different colors in a rug, but being able to see all of the different shades of red in a tapestry woven of only red threads, seeing which shades outline the pattern. Context gives not only information but importance. It gives someone priorities.

And I think being a teacher, we provide context. We show our classes what are the important facts, because we show them that yes, not only is there a hill right there, but that hill is actually in the middle of the only road to enlightenment, thus it becomes more than 'just' a hill.

Eventually, we teach students how to determine their own context. The context of their lives. What actions/events have meaning, and why. In my paradigm every action has meaning. Will they adhere to this philosophy? Probably not. Until they are on the verge of being 25.

But this process, of learning what facts are important, is education. It's more than facts, more than information. Education is showing someone how to understand what they see. And by teaching them how to recognize the important elements, they are able to change the picture, by changing those key elements.

21 Questions

2010-12-26T16:23:00.000-08:00

the facebook app
I caved
I found out what people have been answering about me
pretty funny, actually.
however, here are the answers
please stop answering them.
Thanks.

1) Do you think that Betsy Sieber has ever had a crush on you?
--Yes. I probably have.
2) Do you think that Betsy Sieber can eat more than 3 Big Macs at a time?
--I feel like the difference between "could" and "would" is really important here. I totally could. But I never would.
3) Would you trust Betsy Sieber with your life?
--I do!
4) Do you think that Betsy Sieber is lazy?
--Only a little bit. And this depends on the context. I am a very hardworking would-be English teacher. I am a very lazy America's Next Top Model watcher.
5) Do you think that Betsy Sieber can keep a secret?
--I am as silent as the grave.
6) Do you think that Betsy Sieber smells?
--I actually pride myself on smelling delicious. Every body product I own is delicious smelling. I love smelling like something sweet and happy. I do what I can to make the environment around me as pleasant as possible, and although being a cheerful person is number one on my list, I similarly place "smelling great" under that category.
7) Do you think that Betsy Sieber is a sore loser?
--One word: Scrabble. And yes. Unless I'm so amazed by your lexicon that I decide to become your protege. In which case, beware, I'm only doing it to strip you of your champion title in the not-too-distant future.
8) Do you think that Betsy Sieber has ever lied to you?
--Probably not. Unless you count not telling the whole truth. In which case, I probably have.
9) Do you think Betsy Sieber drives too fast?
--Yes.
10) Do you think that Betsy Sieber is a good friend?
--I certainly try to be. If you have a complaint, let me know. It has happened. Usually something along the lines of "I never see you any more." So true.
11) Do you think that Betsy Sieber is a wannabe?
--I don't think so. I'm really into actually being something. As opposed to just wanting to be it.
12) Do you think Betsy Sieber was a Dork in high school?
--You bet! I also like that they capitalized "Dork" here. Give us dorks the recognition we deserve: the status of a proper noun.
13) Do you think that Betsy Sieber is cute?
--I have yet to have someone tell me I am not cute, without replacing it with some other superior adjective, i.e. 'incredible' 'wonderful' or 'amazing.' Which I generally prefer to 'cute.'
14) Does Betsy Sieber sing in the shower?
--Yes. Undoubtedly.
15) Do you think that Betsy Sieber has ever kissed a guy?
--Ew, kissing. Gross!
16) Do you think that Betsy Sieber can cook?
--I am okay. I have gotten a lot better, and I do love cooking.
17) Do you think that Betsy Sieber likes chick flicks?
--Chick flicks I love: Runaway Bride, Singing in the Rain, Little Women, Pride and Prejudice.
18) Do you think your first impression of Betsy Sieber was right?
--Maybe.
19) Do you think that Betsy Sieber has ever smoked?
--I have not. Stupid, and smelly.
20) Do you think that Betsy Sieber has ever failed a class?
--Many.
21) Do you think that Betsy Sieber has game?
--Of course I have game. You must not know 'bout me.

The Sieber House Christmas

2010-12-26T15:41:00.000-08:00

1) giant candy bar from grandma

2) family movie night

3) reading the nativity story

4) singing hymns around the piano

5) youngest gets to open presents first

its the same every year.

Seeing as Eleanor has been the youngest for 15 years in a row,

you'd think we would have petitioned to change the system.

Truth is, we're just to lazy to get up off the couch.

(Really? you say I know I reply. we're despicable)

So we just make the youngest bring us our presents.

Maybe it is she who should petition to change the system.

and of course,
family pictures.

Luke is my favorite.

I love Christmas.

desserts

presents

lights

laughter

and of course

(saying the last should be first)

the emphasis on the birth of Christ.

merry Christmas

2010-12-25T21:31:00.000-08:00

To Christ: Thank you.

As if there were a better reason to celebrate.

I feel like I don't celebrate Christ enough as it is.

actually, this song is about me

2010-12-21T08:59:00.000-08:00

I got a haircut.

straight-styled

curly

did you know that

2010-12-21T08:32:00.000-08:00

Nebraska...
is the birthplace of Arbor day?
the headquarters of Cabela's?
has a museum of military vehicles?
has a Robert Henri museum?
's exit ramps are always lit, and that the exit sign has listed how many miles till the next one?

there is a splendid mural right next to the 24th street exit in Omaha. I wanted to stop and take pictures. It was 5 or six huge towers that looked like they had once been part of a factory (storage facility?) painted with bright colors and designs.

also, there is a wilderness safari you can take right outside of Omaha. I missed it. Life-long regret.

Desoto Iowa, is the birthplace of John Wayne?
there is a 'Silos and Smokestacks National Heritage Area' in Iowa?

fascinating. I love traveling.

illegality

2010-12-21T08:18:00.000-08:00

When three sheriff SUV's came roaring down the highway in full police-mode
I passed them a minute or two later (after letting them go by)
they were cornering a semi-truck driver and his associate
the driver was belly-down (he had a big one) on the ground with his hands in the air
and his sidekick had just shot his hands up
I imagined someone had gestured at him with a very persuasive tool
there were actually five semi-trucks pulled over right in a row
I wondered what they were carrying

finals update

2010-12-16T17:01:00.000-08:00

almost there.
one more
tomorrow

the last one.

woo hoo!

personal teaching philosophy

2010-12-16T16:55:00.000-08:00

My personal philosophy of teaching comes from a poem by Taylor Mali titled Miracle Workers: All I do is give you what I know you need, before you know you need it. The question then becomes, what do students need to learn most? Organization? Creativity? Coping? Judgement?

All of these skills can be taught through literature. Although all schooling teaches students to organize, to think critically, to evaluate, to synthesize, and the list goes on--teaching language arts enables students to learn how to express themselves, as well as connect with people around them, while making judgements about the experiences they encounter via text. I teach literature because I want to teach about life; literature and writing are just my vehicles.

First of all we must teach students to connect with our characters by asking questions like: Do you understand this character’s motivation? His or her reasons for acting this way? Do you agree with those reasons? Why or why not? If you opinion differs, why do you think that the character has come to a different conclusion than you? Are their values different than yours? What has influenced their values? What has influenced yours? How does this affect the choices you make?

This form of questioning is much more intensive than normal processing questions, such as those dealing with plot or characterization--not that plot or characterization aren’t important, which I will deal with later. But by asking our students to connect with a character by evaluating their own life is a necessary skill for their future. If students cannot connect with other people, they will not be effective employees in whatever job they aspire to, not to mention socially disengaged and unsatisfied beings.

But back to the much-maligned plot structure. Teaching plot structure is important, although not as important as the previously mentioned higher-level thinking strategies. Teaching plot structure implies the teaching of an aesthetic. That is to say, “There is a formula for making something beautiful.” Once we explicate this formula, we first enable students to recognize it, and then we enable them to critique it, and discuss--is one climax in a novel, really the best way to write? Would a certain novel be better if it incorporated more conflict? Or perhaps a different structure than the traditional single climax? These questions illustrate that if we teach students to first recognize and work within a literary structure, we then enable them to work outside of it in an informed and deliberate way.

This same tactic can be applied to any literary tool. Once students learn a literary tool they are then informed users instead of passive consumers. They can use these cognitive skills in any written or oral forms of communication.

Who has not succumbed to the movie quote “I’m disinclined to acquiesce to your request” (Pirates of the Carribean: Curse of the Black Pearl). If one understands rhythm and meter, as well as phonetics, it is easy to break down this simple selection and see why it is so appealing: The stress on each of the lines is the same, “I’m disinclined to acquiesce to your request.” Here is the pattern: un stress un un/ un stress un un/ un stress un un. There is also a leading string of similarity between the syllables of dis and inclined, the hard k sound in clined/ac and the last pairing is between qui in ‘acquiesce’ and ‘request,’ not to mention the near-rhyme at the end between ‘acquiesce’ and ‘request’ as well.

Before you learn those patterns, a student could simply remember it as a good quote from a movie. But after a student learns about rhythm, and stress in poetry, and studies the effect of phonetics and repetition on writing that makes it memorable, they are able to realize that they can use these same tactics in their own writing.

These skills are important--analyzing the aesthetic--because they allow students to foster their own creativity. Instead of teaching students to mimic the accepted forms of communication, I would like to teach them to break down that communication and take the good parts, but leave the ineffective parts. This “take it if it works for you; leave it if it doesn’t” strategy promotes a shift in culture, where only the most effective methods for communicating survive.

Overall the parallels between skills you use in an english classroom, and the skills you use generally in a creative and professional life are undeniable. Learning how to evaluate people, to connect with them, to analyze your own experience, to understand a set pattern, and to then critique that pattern, to see if it is the most appropriate avenue for you to reach your communicative goals--which of these skills cannot be used in business, performing arts, education or science? Each of these professions clearly needs the abilities one first learns in a well-taught language arts classroom. Other classes may teach organizational ability, and some evaluative skills, but in literature, because our text is life and life’s challenges as written about by the human, we prepare students to connect, understand, and shift their actions to accommodate new situations.

**written for my final in "Teaching Literature and Reading"

finals

2010-12-15T10:14:00.000-08:00

Monday: Prepped for one, finished one.
Bed: 1:30am
Tuesday
Awake: 6:00am
Final at 8am
flying colors
9am library
type up essay for 378
review classmate's excellently noted study guide
there's no way I can do a better job than she has
I'm embarrassed to send back my own
when its clear she has so much already
11am
food/nap

final at 2:30

then I only have one more
its my hardest

things you might not know

2010-12-12T22:29:00.000-08:00

about me:
1) i love drinking out of mason jars
2) my mom told me we have big feet because we are norwegian, but then i met a norwegian once and i found out that it wasn't true. they have small feet. i inquired.

that's all.

dietary concerns

2010-12-12T22:22:00.000-08:00

A: So my sister has this big tub of candy on her desk and I was doing observations in her classroom yesterday, so guess what I had for lunch?
L: Candy?
A: Candy. What did I have for dinner?
Pizza.

What did I have for lunch today?

A fruit snack.

(Later in the class)

A: Oh, i forgot to tell you, that two nights ago

I had barbecue chips for dinner.

L: How many barbecue chips?

I am doing fine

2010-12-02T01:03:00.000-08:00

I realize these last posts have kind of been downers, and preoccupied with romance (but then again, what is new?). Sorry about that.

Betsy's current state:
Shoes: I have reticently returned to the skater shoes of 15-year-old-adolescents due to the snow and the fact that none of my professional, trendy, cute flats are waterproof. Fashion industry, how I loathe thee.
Face: I have lately started wearing makeup every day. Why? I don't know. Oh wait--I like looking pretty. Although, I overheard one of my friends say "I think sometimes girls confuse makeup with prettiness," the other day and it blew my mind. I may be changing my habits.
Brain: Worn out, above par. That is to say, my brain is still above par, although it feels worn out. Finals--I promise, I too shall pass.
Church: Joseph Smith was a prophet of God who restored the full and complete gospel of Jesus Christ to the earth. He translated The Book of Mormon, a collection of scriptures from ancient America. It is truly the writings of prophets and apostles on the American continent. I know that Jesus Christ died, in order to grant me the opportunity to live with God again. God knows me individually, in the very specific and real sense.
Friends: I hate it when friends leave. It is hard.
Roommates: Awesome.
Major: Exhilarating. I love it.
Health: Happy, with a large helping of cheese pizza. Little Caesars is too close for self-control.
Music: Glee. I just can't get away.

Prince Philip

2010-12-02T00:39:00.000-08:00

One of my friends took that silly quiz "What Disney Prince Is Right For You?!!!" Yes, Every Word Was Capitalized, And There Were Three Exclamation Points!!!

I usually don't bother with such things, because I think they are hokum. And ridiculous.
(Like I need any more time spent thinking about frogs and kissing. Or princes--I hear it turns out that way sometimes.)

I think all those quizzes are a waste of time. Quizzes aren't going to tell you about your life, facebook addicts. The fact that you are taking quizzes on facebook probably says a whole lot more about your life than that quiz ever will. Not that one or two just for fun are too bad (What Basement Babe Are You?).

I read her headline though. Discussing the prince who was "Right For Her."

"Prince Philip--He would do anything for you. In fact, he probably already has."

Which caused me to think about what things I have done? For the (pardon the cheese) prince that's right for me? Cultivate healthy relationships. Be awesome. Expand my vocabulary so our children will be smart. Minimize my wardrobe so we have less to move. Read. Give up meat (even though I don't know if he will appreciate that).

It is comforting to think about, the idea that someone is changing their life in anticipation of the event that will be me coming into his life. The glorious event. And knowing the kind of person I am, I think he is preparing now. Good luck, my dear friend. I don't know what you can really do, except to be as righteous as you can be. I mean, that is what I am trying...like I said, good luck. And thanks, in advance.

more fluent: the gradient as opposed to the lack of achievement

2010-12-02T00:15:00.000-08:00

"I promise I'll be more fluent tomorrow,"

one student said, his presentation in Spanish interrupted by the bell.

Fluency. Isn't fluent something you either are or you're not? It is something you have reached, or you haven't. Instead of a spectrum.

The way this student used it though, it was like he thought that it was a spectrum. But you can't be partially fluent, right? The whole connotation of fluent is that you've got it, you are completely competent in that arena. I think we misuse it when we say that someone is more fluent than we are, or we assign levels of fluency. But the very fact that the word 'fluency' (the degree to which one is fluent) exists DOES imply that there is a spectrum.

Sometimes I don't realize that I could be on a spectrum, instead of just failing.

echoes

2010-11-30T15:54:00.000-08:00

love is like music

I have heard the song before

I think

I am listening for something

that resembles what I remember

from the last time

Perhaps I should just listen

for the music

instead of a song has already played:

the echo

of what once was

Teachers don't make spelling mistakes

2010-10-16T16:46:00.000-07:00

I just typed in my notes
"Keep in mind the end gaol:
students independently accomplishing rigorous work."

Instead of
"Keep in mind the end
goal."

school is not a prison
that's what I think

maybe
subconsciously
I don't.

DEFINITION:gaolnoun Brit.variant spelling of jail .

no kidding

2010-10-06T15:17:00.000-07:00

"THIS STATION IS NOT CURRENTLY FOR STUDENT USE. PLEASE USE ANOTHER CARREL ELSEWHERE IN THE LIBRARY." really?

self esteem

2010-10-05T00:05:00.000-07:00

i believe

in so many other people.

i believe

in believing in yourself.

i am working

on doing both.

beginning

2010-10-01T10:36:00.000-07:00

I think I am pulling out of this funk I'm in. I've started writing poetry again, which is nice (for me, not necessarily for you). "Here's to the soul-expanding power of the simply beautiful," because I feel like that's what poetry is. You have to see beauty to write poetry, and you have to have gratitude to see beauty. See, there is a proof for you. Only about words, not numbers.

research papers

2010-09-30T13:12:00.000-07:00

pros vs cons
of the research paper.

Among future educators.

We're making the call,

to assign or not to assign.

Professor asks "Ok, Pros?"

"Torture students,"

was the first response.

She didn't write it on the chart.

I guess it's not our goal.

twice today

2010-09-28T14:14:00.000-07:00

I have done the no-look bless you.
Someone sneezes
and I bless them,
no eye contact required.

Rude? Not exactly.
Indicative of my mood? Perhaps.
Alarming that I would let that opportunity for interaction pass me by? Exactly.

I hope I pull out of this funk soon.

what I've been thinking about lately

2010-06-26T22:03:00.000-07:00

I read an article in Whole Living recently which recommended the under-appreciated and much-maligned power of obsession as a creative tool.

It really got me thinking and I would like to say that I recommend it too.

"Immerse yourself--While it may seem odd to plan an obsession (don't they grab us, not the other way around?), you have to plant those seeds to yield fruitful ideas. This may mean sitting at your desk and writing about memories of your mother, taking a long walk to mull over plots and characters, or researching herb folklore online." I think about what do I immerse myself in? What do I plan to have in my life? What great goals are you working on as a person?

For me, there are a few things it is easy to become obsessed with:
-Environmentally friendly living
-Friends/relationships
-minimalism and design
-beauty
-art (which is not always the same as beauty)

There are so many things we could become experts on, if we only tried. I think that's what hobbies are for, if you have a hobby, it makes you an unofficial expert, right? An aficionado? Someone slightly obsessed (a paradox, I know).

conversations

2010-06-26T21:44:00.000-07:00

I told a friend the other day (while sitting in a supply closet) that much of my on-air time in my brain is dominated by conversations I wish I could have.

I wish I could have them. Maybe I will still get to. It is never too late you know. I wonder if the barriers to me speaking up are real, or if they are, perhaps, more flimsy than I perceive them.

twice in a week

2010-06-16T21:24:00.000-07:00

strength training. I always procrastinate it.

but this week, I did it twice.

go me.

I don't know why I procrastinate it. It reminds me of gym class. That's why.

ten years ago time capsule

2010-06-06T18:58:00.000-07:00

The paper was yellow and disintegrating.

what i felt like saying to the future :

(thumbs down) to algebra
(thumbs down) to study hall
<3 lunch
(thumbs down) to science
<3 band
<3 choir
<3 social studies
<3 school
<3 church (happy face)
(big heart) YM
<3 sister robertson and lisa secor
<3 my leaders (and their sons)

pretty much nothing has changed.

hand out the sunroof

2010-06-06T18:47:00.000-07:00

why not? reaching out won't hurt you.

rainy saturday

2010-06-06T18:40:00.000-07:00

i love it.

gray, moody days are rife with poetry. and i come into them with fewer expectations, and more a mindset of accepting what is, and recognizing it as beautiful.

this whole unrequited love business

2010-05-31T07:40:00.000-07:00

So I have a few friends right now who have some unrequited love on their hands. You know, the age-old story of one person being madly in love with the other, unbeknownst (although sometimes beknownst) to their friend/would-be sweetheart if the pursuer had their way.

Unfortunately, some times the only thing you can do in that situation is sit and wait. And wait. And wait. And hope that perhaps, one day, you being such a devoted friend, shoulder to cry on (about other lost loves no doubt), and reliable enthusiast for someone else, will be noticed someday, and the other person will realize what you realized a long time ago. But hopefully then your hard-fought fight will be won, and will be completely worth every disappointing experience you've ever had, and tell you that you were right to not lose hope.

Except when that doesn't happen. And how can you tell if that will happen? Quite simply: you can't.

I dislike this system.

And as someone whose conversations are %80 talking about dating I recognize that this is a common issue, and generally one that one must work on via a case-by-case basis.

If I had a switch, all of you unrequited lovers would get your wish.

just so you know.

how do i love thee, life, let me count the ways:

2010-05-29T20:43:00.000-07:00

I love thee like I love going to Kavarna to meet up with Steve Peters and talk with him about our lives and to hear him say that we need to stay friends and not lose touch., and I agree with this and hug him like nothing has changed in the ten years that we've known each other. And to talk about the people we used to know, and do know, and what is going on in their lives, while eating delicious squash bisque.

I love thee like not knowing how to really fulfill my calling best, and having an Elders Quorum President to call who will anser all my questions, and help me realize I can do it.

I love thee like I love having my friends bring their children to stay at my house on their way to Minneapolis for the summer. And going to bay beach with them. And showing them Green Bay. And watching great movies.

I love thee like I love the farmland surrounding me.

I love thee like I love the perfect amount of wind on a sunny day.

I love thee like I love walking out of work at 7pm and smelling the armoas of the italian restaurant next to our office.

I love thee like I love naps in the sunshine.

I love thee like I love running in the morning when it is quiet and cool.

hopes

2010-05-29T20:30:00.000-07:00

I found this community art project. There is a sign with a marker and a container of fabric strips next to it that asks people to write down their hopes dreams, gratitude and wishes onto a strip of fabric, and then tie it to the grate.

I loved it.

examples:

"inspiration to be the change."

"Please bless those who are stupid enough to mess things up, and help those smart enough to try and do something about it."

"More fun. No drama. Find a man."

"For those around me to be stronger."

It was great. And just sitting there, reading all of these people's wishes and dreams I thought "why don't I do this more often? Connect with people on a real level? Talk about things that are really important?" It was so empowering to just read these things. I remember writing one of my friends on his mission that I don't think we talk about our dreams enough. I still think that's true.

the best day ever

2010-05-29T20:19:00.000-07:00

is when Rachel and Carter came to town. That's right, two of my best friends from BYU came to visit me in Green Bay. I was so pleased.

here are a few photo ops from Subway. Unfortunately I did not get any photos at Bay Beach, but we got some good ones on Rachel's cam, so if you want to see them; ask her. We had lunch at Subway, and then went to Bay beach. Then we got out the train set at home. It was pretty heavenly. It made me wonder why I don't get the train set out more often. Or live closer to my friends.

Rachel and Jamesie-face

She's actually about to laugh, not cry. Check out the cheeto hand.

I had one of my friends ask me if it was weird to have friends who had kids. I told him that they are still the same people they were before they had kids--meaning that we can still connect. It sort of humanizes parenting to me.

kavarna

2010-05-29T20:04:00.000-07:00

good idea.

missing helmet

2010-05-29T10:48:00.000-07:00

ironic.

allusions

2010-05-29T10:40:00.000-07:00

this was on the front page of the economist website today.

It is an allusion to my favorite poem by Stevie Smith:

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

some days

2010-05-29T10:35:00.000-07:00

i wish i were the family cat.

hugs

2010-05-29T10:29:00.000-07:00

(Mom was telling me how I should hug my father more)

B: You know, out at college, I get around 10 hugs a day.

M: So you're saying you're in deficit? Well you can certainly hug us. Right honey?

(She looks at Dad, who I see is staring at me with narrowed eyes, and a hostile expression. Pause.)

D: boy hugs?

the boy

2010-05-23T20:27:00.000-07:00

...moved to utah. For school.

The end (for real).

the accessories of a working mother

2010-05-22T12:46:00.000-07:00

one of the ladies in our office had these next to her desk.

a spongebob umbrella.

how could you be sad on a rainy day, touting this? I never could be.

the wisdom of a carabiner

2010-05-22T12:43:00.000-07:00

The other day, I noticed these words engraved onto the shaft of my little sister's carabiner:

can you see them? Perhaps not.

It says: NOT FOR CLIMBING - CHINA.

I went home and told Louisa, that if she ever considered climbing China with this keychain, she should change her plans because it says explicitly "NO!"

i love you, wisconsin

2010-05-22T12:36:00.000-07:00

and this is why.

dates and slow dances...not a venn diagram...

2010-05-16T18:10:00.000-07:00

well...not yet.

tempted to end the post there, I was.

dance on friday:
this one boy who i have known all my life danced with me (slow danced) and since he is my age he knows how to do more than the "deacon shuffle" and we talked for about two and a half minutes before we ran out of things to say and I became aware that his hand was on my waist and mine was on his shoulder and the fact that this proximity is not something I am used to.
commence blushing and struggle for words as to avoid him realizing that i am unnerved by realizing this new proximity and then i remembered, with vivid clarity, what it felt like to be 14.

date:
dramatis personae
b=boy
m=me

b-what are you doing tonight?
m-nothing...
b-want to go see robin hood?
m-yes!

b lives far away so he asks m to look up times in town.
b's commitments run late, misses movie
b and m drive around trying to find an ice cream shop
(m's recollection of good restaurants in gb is achingly absent)
on the way to somewhere less desirable (sonic?) m sees sweet greasy burger joint dive and instructs b to stop
they stop
enjoyment of delicious greasy burger joint shakes and food with ongoing discussion of lives/art
driving back to m's they decide to see movie after all
waiting in line for movie discussion of favorite novels/movies/genres/artists ensue
m=comedies, pixar, geekery
b=action, classics, geekery
movie=robin hood=less-than desirable
also =much skewering, uncompelling love story, inaccurate portrayal of some real events
post movie discussion both concur it's unsatisfactory level
b drops m off
says he had good time
m agrees (that she had a good time too)

the end (obviously not)

Adam

2010-05-08T22:16:00.000-07:00

This week, I went to my very first non-student singles ward. As I met with the Branch President to receive my calling he said, "Sister Sieber, we have met before. You may not remember me, but I remember you." I apologized and said I didn't remember, and asked him to remind me. He said "You went to seminary with my son Adam," and I said "OOOHHHHHHHH! How is he?!"

To interject: Adam was indeed in my seminary class my senior year. He wore t shirts and jeans (the kind of jeans that are neither in, nor out of style) and cross trainers to school. Very shy, yet very funny, without ever insulting anyone personally, he was easy to love. He had the best manners of anyone I've ever met, never indecorous or rude. Especially in how he treated women. And so I and another girl in class paid a lot of attention to Adam. We cheered when we saw him, and begged to be in his group or his partner in assignments, and generally caused a small ruckus. Adam never showed any indication of how he felt about this except perhaps a little smile and a self-depreciating comment about us being nice, but I could tell he liked it.

I asked Adam to go to snowball with me that year, and even though it was a far from flawless date (transportation/dinner issues, etc.) Adam was charming, through the whole thing. I had a really good group of friends in high school, the kind who valued cleverness and fun above things like clothes or drama. I think he had a good time. Even though I did have to warn him that one of my friends would try to corrupt him at the dance and dance with him inappropriately, he remained calm and unperturbed (and he did resist. We just danced together so she didn't have the opportunity I think).
That was my relationship with Adam. It was where we were always pleased to see each other, and generally had a very good understanding of where each one stood with the other person; on grounds of unconditional acceptance.
So, six years later, I am sitting in a church office with his father, and ask him, how Adam is doing. He says that Adam is doing well, that he is getting married in a few weeks and I say "Oh, REALLY?" because we had lost touch and I didn't know at all how his life was. His father said yes, and everyone was very happy, and then he said "But I want you to know, Adam came home from that date, and I heard everything, and I just, well I want to thank you--" and I interrupted him "No, no!" I said, Adam was wonderful! He was a perfect date." and his dad smiled and said "Yes. Adam is a gentleman." And I agreed.
Then today, I was talking with another girl in the ward who had actually gotten to know Adam after his mission a little bit. She asked about how we became friends, and I reiterated the above story to her, and she smiled and nodded throughout the whole thing. And then she said "He really liked you, you know. I heard about it." I said "What?!" she nodded again. "He had a huge crush on you, for quite some time." I said. "NO. Really?!" "Yeah," she continued "But he had his mission to serve, so he figured he would just come and find you after that, but in the end never did."
Well this is all really a moot point because Adam is getting married in a week, and this is NOT about lost chances, or some melodramatic irony, etc., but it is about how I didn't have a clue that he liked me. It also brings a small amount of hope to me, that I have been liked, by somebody really decent, and if it happened, once, it can happen again.

Reinforcements

2010-05-08T21:40:00.000-07:00

I believe in constant affirmation. Affirmation of my identity, my purpose, and my righteous goals. Which is why I find when I am in a new situation the first thing I will do is decorate. I put things up that remind me of the aforementioned ideals. For example, I have a friend who is one of the people I call when I am in need of someone to listen to me about whatever issues I am having, and help me work them out. You know, the late night chat buddies. He always has time for me, and he knows how to communicate with me that he appreciates me on all of the levels that are important to me. (Religion, intelligence, and meaningfulness). So it was his picture I printed off and put on my desk within a few days of working at my new job. Not a big picture, not even he and I, just a little 1x2" square to tape to the bottom of my monitor, reminding me of at least one healthy, stable relationship that exists (even if I am not always talking to this boy, I feel like our friendship is dependable).
Likewise I have a post it note with a few compliments that mean a great deal to me that I have collected over the years.
And the last thing that decorates my desk is my name tag from working at the MTC. Now those of you who know me even mildly well may recognize that although I enjoyed my job at the MTC, it was somewhat less than ideal. However, I feel as though being employed by the MTC has changed me a little bit. It is a place, where without a doubt, 95% of the people around you are actively trying to become more like the Savior. All the time. What is the number one rule of the custodial department at the MTC? Don't disturb the missionaries. And with everyone being able to very openly recognize the culture that is the gospel of Jesus Christ (not even the culture of the LDS church, the culture of Christlike living) was a unifying factor. And it is something I want to tap into all of my life...hence the name tag on my current desk.
What other reinforcements do I have? I have a necklace with a dog tag on it that I wear occasionally (if it can be unobtrusive) with my favorite scripture and the name of someone very dear to me. And I have another accessory that reminds me of a spiritual experience I had at a concert once.
It's not that I feel like these reminders in and of themselves should become the POINT of my life. Like I should focus on my friendship with the young man in the picture on my desk because it is IDEAL and how I want to feel all the time. NO. However, it does serve as a valuable reminder of who I want to be. If I focused on just that aspect of my life, all the time, I would become unbalanced. Just like if I only focused on the compliments I have received that really flattered me, I would also become unbalanced. Compliments are not the point of life. And even fulfilling relationships are not the point of life, although they are a key component in a happy one. But if I begin to worship or try to depend on that friendship, or those compliments, or my experience at a concert, in order to provide me with my identity, eventually they will break down.
You cannot focus on what the experience is, you however can look back at the experience and realize how it brought you closer to God. And being close to God is the point of our experience here. And so that is why I have those reinforcements up. To remind me that they are part of the right track, but they are not the end of the track; they're more like...guidelines.

kissing cousins

2010-05-07T19:46:00.000-07:00

Awhile ago, my Grandma heard me talking about the lack of datable men in Wisconsin (I don't mean to slander any of you out there. I do however think that it is easy to see you are few and far between), and said "I know someone you could go on a date with!" I was surprised, and she told me this fellow's name. His last name was as my mother's maiden name. I said "Grandma, aren't we related?" and she waved her hand and said "Oh, he's uncle so-and-so's son" and I was like "oh..." I had to find out what this meant...the son of my grandfather's brother...is my first cousin once removed. See also: illegal to marry in Wisconsin, unless you have an authorized statement from a licensed physician saying one of you is incapable of producing children...I think Grandma just thinks about these things a little differently.

the great thing about mixes

2010-05-04T17:44:00.000-07:00

Whenever I make a mix for someone, from thenceforth all the songs on that mix make me think of them.

will I ever learn

2010-05-01T22:54:00.000-07:00

to just trust what the Lord says will make me happy? Sometimes (most times?) I think I know better than He does. For shame.

Luckily there is repentance.

Boo.

home

2010-05-01T20:07:00.000-07:00

I love being in Wisconsin. I love the fields, and the smell of the river, how 'hot' it gets (78) and everyone complains, and I love living with my siblings nearby (which, technically, I had in Provo).

Today I:
Went to the river trail for a walk while I listened to the princess diaries audiobook for an hour. Anne Hathaway, I will never know how to thank you enough.
Came home and watched "The Importance of Being Earnest." (With Rupert Everett and Colin Firth. Someone asked me the other day if I thought he was a handsome man, and I said "Of course he is, he's Mr. Darcy," and they didn't seem to realize this answered the question in full.)
Caught up on my blog reading.
Went grocery shopping (where I discovered they have this marvelous hippie section of Festival now. You can buy in bulk and use your own bags).
Had a Culver's shake.
Drove to the river again and walked around Aston. Also went to the park where Erich and Katie got married. Aw. I hope Mr. Walker comes to my wedding.
Set off the car alarm in the mercedes. Twice. Oh, my.
Had a chat with a very important figure.
Hugged Mom and Dad when they got home off their trip.

why wisconsin is the greatest (part 1)

2010-04-26T12:33:00.000-07:00

1. Space. You cannot beat Wisconsin for pure, unadulterated farmland. It is a patchwork conglomeration of fields and forests. Beautiful, green and wide.
2. People. People are just nicer in the midwest. More willing to talk. About anything. I remember a joke saying "You might live in wisconsin if....you've been helped by someone in the store who isn't an employee." So true.
3. Knowing where all the streets go. Not that I get lost in Provo. But there is something great about knowing a neighborhood because your friends live there. Or your teacher.

more to come.

Dear provo,

2010-04-26T10:41:00.000-07:00

I will miss you.

I am going home for the summer. See you in the fall.

I will miss your multiple frozen yogurt parlors, your creamery ice cream, late night walks by the duck pond, even later chats with my roommates, the ability to make a joke referencing the Book of Mormon, everyone understanding BYU stereotypes, student singles wards, and living in a giant apartment complex of Christlike love.

And how I knew I could always call someone to listen to me when I needed it. That I plan to try and keep, actually.

But you never know; some things change, even if you try to stop them.

things i have learned this year:

2010-04-22T10:20:00.000-07:00

you're not always going to get what you want.
you can be happy without everything you want.

English 452 Final

2010-04-19T13:33:00.000-07:00

So I know this is kind of a cop-out of a post, but here goes. Here is the poem that we were asked to analyze for my final. Then we had to analyze our interpretation.

Theodore Rothke

My Papa's Waltz

The whiskey on your breath
Could make a small boy dizzy;
But I hung on like death:
Such waltzing was not easy.

We romped until the pans
Slid from the kitchen shelf;
My mother's countenance
Could not unfrown itself.

The hand that held my wrist
Was battered on one knuckle;
At every step you missed
My right ear scraped a buckle.

You beat time on my head
With a palm caked hard by dirt,
Then waltzed me off to bed
Still clinging to your shirt.

My interpretation: (Which I know isn't my best work, but it was a final after all--time crunch. The interpretation actually wasn't the important part of the final)

This poem is about the father's destructive lifestyle of alcoholism, and how it is cyclical. By the end of the poem we realize that the son will become who the father is.
     We learn at the beginning of the poem that even though being with his father was difficult (such waltzing was not easy) because of his Father's alcoholism (The whisky on your breath/Could make a small boy dizzy), nonetheless the boy clings to his father (But I hung on like death) for a sense of identity. In the second stanza the author elaborates that sometimes trying to be with his Father destroyed their physical possessions, and that his mother disapproved of him trying to waltz with his father (perhaps because she knows what destructive ends that lifestyle brings).
     The third and fourth stanzas are when the reader learns about the character of the father. He is portrayed as a man who has suffered, "The hand that held my wrist/Was battered by one knuckle", and worked hard for his family, "A palm caked hard by dirt." This acknowledgement of the father's character shows us that the boy recognizes the difficulties his father has had in his life, how a life of hard labor has affected him, and his good qualities, such as working hard for his family. Also in the third stanza we read "At every step you missed/My right ear scraped a buckle," so we know that when this father makes mistakes, it is his son who pays the price.
     The significance of this "dance" with his father being a waltz is unmistakable. The waltz is a dance where although you feel like you are changing directions, eventually you end up back in the same place you started. It is circular, symbolizing the circular destructive pattern of his father's lifestyle. The inevitable ending of this boy continuing this pattern is shown in the last line "still clinging to your shirt." Even though the boy recognizes the harm that is done by his father's life, the broken home, the worried mother, he still clings to his father as a source of identity.

Other interpretations:
#1
#2 (pdf file)

more controversy about it

It appears that there are generally two readings of the poem; one as a memory of a playful experience, and one of deeper darker themes of abuse. What do you think? What did you think when you first read it?

needy, needy, Betsy

2010-04-04T19:23:00.000-07:00

Lately, I found out that it is not always me by myself on the needy-needy, I-want-a-friend end of the stick with a few of my pals. Everyone needs close friends. Even if I am the one to initiate things happening all the time, that doesn't mean that I am not needed as a friend...it means I am good at initiating.

Funny, how we always assume other people are doing fine, and that we are the disadvantaged ones. Oh mortal existence, you do limit my paradigm so.

I love

2010-03-30T20:18:00.000-07:00

seeing people saunter across campus, their steps in time to the music they are listening to. (presumably. Maybe they just are pretending to listen to music to saunter with rhythm. I'd do it. Why not?)

Locked Out!

2010-03-30T20:01:00.000-07:00

The other day, I was locked out of my apartment after work. At 10 am the office (so I can be let into my apartment free of charge) still isn't open yet, and so I was left in somewhat of a quandary. I went over to my neighbor's apartment (they often house me in times of distress) but as I did so, I posted on my facebook status that I was locked out. Shortly thereafter I received a text from someone (hero of mine!) posting on my status. Her name is Elise. She asked if I would like to be picked up, and housed at her house for a while. I responded, "Of course!" Elise and I know each other through our mutual friend and roommate (as well as relative--ok so I am not related to her, but I like to pretend I am) Marae.

As I crawled into Elise's car (I was still feeling a bit under the weather from my sickness earlier in the week) I heard the familiar strains of Missy Higgins, an australian artist beloved by all (those previously mentioned in this post that is) and felt so at home, it was marvelous. Elise asked me if there was anywhere I needed to go and I said that I needed to get something to eat, and she said I could have breakfast at her house! Further delights ensued. We went to her place, which is this wonderful old house, near center street, and she set me up with some delicious fruit, ginger and lemon tea, and a fuzzy blanket. After we talked for a while she let me loose on the movie collection, and I selected The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe for the day's amusements. While I was enjoying this trip back to the contented sick days of childhood (doesn't everyone need a nurse to take care of them occasionally?) Elise's roommate Emma made cookies, and offered me some! Oh heaven!

It was, overall, a remarkable rescue. I would like to state for the record, that the next time I got into Elise's car, the stereo was playing Meiko. Such is the sweet stuff my life is made of.

Also, can I just say, that sometimes the friends I make because I lock myself out far outweigh the losses of said lockout. I think because there is some sort of bond created when one person helps another person. And if I were never in need, I would never be able to be helped, and have friends because of it. Lucky then, that I am not perfect, because if I were, I can only conclude that I would be lonely in my perfection.

I am feeling mostly better (thanks to this wonderful treatment, no doubt!)

Elise and I also spent time together yesterday, when she took me on a few errands. Among these was dropping off some gently-used possessions at DI. As we pulled into the drop-off area, Elise saw a lovely rug, and asked if they really had to price things before we could buy them. The DI employee helping us, asked if we wanted it (the rug) and then asked if we could fit it in our car. We could. Hurrah for goodness having its own reward!

Rex Lee Run 10k

2010-03-20T10:04:00.000-07:00

That's right.
I did it.
I ran as slowly as I usually do.
The old man shuffle, I call it.

But it doesn't matter,
because to me,
making it
all the way through,
is what really matters.
Hitting that finish line.

No matter how long it takes.

As I got closer to the stadium where the last leg of the race was, I could hear the music coming from the DJ booth. I thought, "This is like me trying to make it to heaven. I hear the music from a long way off, and it only makes me want to try harder. All of us cheering on each other towards the same goal, even if we run at different speeds."

Apparently there are gangstas in heaven. Too legit to quit.

Shamrock Plant

2010-03-20T08:45:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time Andy Lawler promised to hang out with me. But then, he couldn't make it. And the next day, on my doorstep I found a very curious plant, wrapped in festive St. Patrick's day paper (it was that time of year). Andy wrote me a note apologizing for our plans falling through, and then explained that this was a shamrock plant. He told me that in a month or two, it would probably look like it had died but that I shouldn't throw it away, because it was just hibernating, and in another month or so, it should put out new shoots

Two years later, my plant looked like it had finally died (it is very resilient. I recommend one to you college kids). But due to a combination of busyness and forgetfulness, I didn't remove it from our living room. And lo and BEHOLD a month after it looked like it had died (I am VERY forgetful. Less busy, more forgetful):

Do you see them? I am oh so glad! They have gotten bigger since this picture, just in time for St. Patrick's Day!

"I am a gallery of broken hearts"

2010-03-19T23:24:00.000-07:00

Two days ago I walked into the HFAC looking for a little bit of comfort to soothe my worried soul. I find that wandering among exhibits and galleries helps me reflect, and gives me something to think about besides my own baggage. I sort stuff out internally as I respond to the works.
However, as I walked in, I realized everyone was bustling around, preparing for a new exhibit. All of my familiar paintings and photographs had been taken down, and everything was bland, waiting for something new to say; the walls were ready to begin construction on a new exhibit, to illuminate new perspectives instead of those of the paintings they had been carrying for so long.

I was dismayed at first, and then decided to do the same.

The perfect metaphor, sans art. Oh, the irony.

Did you know...

2010-03-19T22:54:00.000-07:00

that you can recycle those styrofoam-looking cups that you get at the Cougareat?

I am delighted. Even if it means I have to put them in a bookstore bag so I can wash and recycle them at home (I'm not sure they'll make it in the 'plastic bottles' recycle bins on campus).

what the little boy said when the docent asked him

2010-02-27T16:01:00.000-08:00

"What can you tell me about these girls from this picture?"

"I think they like rock and roll."

Check out the exhibit online here.

Delicious

2010-02-27T13:22:00.000-08:00

I haven't been cooking as much lately, but here is a recipe I made yesterday/today. Eliza helped with the chopping of the vegetables.

Minus the bell pepper, bay leaf, dried hot pepper, and the red wine vinegar. I substituted black beans for the black-eyed peas, and penne for the tiny pasta.

art vs. life

2010-02-26T22:27:00.000-08:00

I wonder
what meaning people would see
if someone hung my life
on a wall
with a title
and the proper frame
Maybe a frame is all you need.
The universal clue,
"You should find meaning in this;
this is important"

Bookshelves and glasses
frame my life
course schedules
paper outlines.
Not things you
can easily make art out of

But then again,
I've always been taught
that art is a matter of seeing meaning,
not just objects
The art of perspective
instead of conveying
absolute-unmistakably-clear-ideas

Perhaps what I choose to see
in my life
is more important
than what is actually there.

the battle

2010-02-26T22:11:00.000-08:00

I think that not getting distracted, is the other half. Or whatever is left of it.

Maybe the best life lies in the middle of the two, the best part of a venn diagram.

Either way, I'm still working on both of them.

What I am embarrassed to admit

2010-02-26T22:08:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my friend Hedi texted me, telling me that if I really want to do something different this summer I should join the Medieval Club, and write an expose. For those of you who don't know, the Medieval Club at BYU is the butt of many jokes; as it looks like a club for those enamored of the fantasy genre and whenever they have events they dress up as if they were part of a Renaissance fair. I laughed out loud as I read this suggestion, and then texted her back that I would have to change how I dressed. She added to this, how I spoke. She said "You could do it!" I seriously considered it. "The Semester I Joined Medieval Club." What a title. It could be a hit. I really could do it.

And then I thought, what if I actually make friends with these people? What if I connect with them and build real relationships? Instead of it being a social experiment; getting the in for the story, what if they actually begin to meet my emotional needs?

That is what I am embarrassed to admit. The thought that I was afraid of connecting with another human being. Because of who they were. Because what would that say about me if I connected with someone like that? As if me making more friends would be detrimental. As if a friendship with someone would reflect poorly on me. In fact, I think that me being afraid of building meaningful relationships with fantasy geeks really says more about me than it says about them.

I am so disappointed (with myself).

word of the day

2010-02-21T08:13:00.000-08:00

Occasionally students present a word of the day for extra credit. A few days ago, Zach presented one, and I have to admit I was only half listening (reading under my desk has never ceased to be a problem for me) as he sounded out a word that ended with "my-ee-oh-lie-tis." Defined as something about paralysis (see, I really am a poor listener) "marked by inflammation of nerve cells in the anterior gray matter," gray matter, I thought, I know what that is. "...in each lateral half of the spinal cord." Funny, I thought, that he would pick some obscure disease for his word of the day. These kids are weird. Funny how there is this super-long name for something really specific that many people don't even have to know about.

"Polio," Zach announced.
"Really?" my supervising teacher asked. "That's the full name of Polio?"
"Yup. Poliomyelitis." And Zach tacked his word of the day on the bulletin board.

Funny, that the threat is so far gone, I don't recognize the word for polio anymore.

Potatoes Connotation

2010-02-21T08:02:00.000-08:00

We're learning about connotation vs denotation in my 7th grade class. One student summed up the concept nicely: It's kind of like saying 'potato' is different than saying 'Your head is as fat as a potato,' right?

Right, Zach. Right.

7th grade utopias

2010-02-09T17:58:00.000-08:00

Today I got to grade brochures made by the 7th grade class I'm working with. They had to write a brochure about their utopia (we are starting "The Giver" next week), detailing the government, education, law enforcement, economy, etc. Enjoy.

-"If you do anything bad in this government, you get launched out of a cannon over the town fence and you don't ever come back in."
-"If your brother or sister picks on you, you get to launch them in the lake with a catapult."
-Under the heading "Problems In Our World" (the ones they propose to solve in their world)"Prepy people, know-it-all people, some school subjects, inequality, poverty." I like that poverty was on the list. At the bottom. First? Preppy people. Who wrote this? You got it, the resident goth.
-"I will be the leader. I will be treated like everyone else with slightly more respect."
-"Everybody workds on a farm and there is a set amount people can ask for their crap and everyone who lives in Utopia starts with one billion dollars to spend how they want."
-"The reason that Yankeetown was made was because some young people were being corrupted by Red Sox fans...For girls, the coaches [for baseball school] are Megan Fox, Taylor Swift, and so on. It's the best kind of school."
-"Serenity Island-- We always take to the most peaceful of solutions. Violence is quite unneeded."
-"Stealing will not be tolerated, as all houses have an active burglar alarm."
-"I am in charge. Everyone follows my orders. We have the popo, just in case."
-"Society of Happiness! No parents allowed."
-"Everyone has whatever they want, including the best cheesecake."
-"Democrats are NOT allowed. If they enter they will be shot in the head. Same goes for Obama, Jonas Brothers, Lady Gaga, Mick Jagger, Brittnay Spears, and Justin Bieber. Others may apply."

this example's utopia was named, creatively, "Utah." At the bottom of the brochure it says "That's basically it."

battle

2010-02-09T17:34:00.000-08:00

I think that, in life, not falling behind is more than half the battle.

the solution to loneliness:

2010-02-08T18:06:00.001-08:00

work harder.

thinking, narrating

2010-01-30T23:06:00.000-08:00

Today I went for a run. I ran on the track for a half hour, listening to Elizabeth Gilbert narrate her spiritual journey in India as I huffed and puffed my way through two miles (not an extraordinary distance, but I haven't been running in a while, so it seemed longer than usual to me). I stretched to the sounds of my "I Woke Up In A Car" playlist, and stopped the music to do a yoga pose or two before I left the RB. As I walked out, I thought about what music I wanted to listen to next; and, as I consulted myself on the manner it whispered to me that I didn't want to listen to anything but the sounds around me. I obliged.

I started to observe the things around me. The street was fairly busy on 8th north (going past the Brick Oven), and I compared wryly the difference between 7:45 and 8:45 on a Saturday morning in Provo. The people I had seen at the track were the dedicated ones, or at least, moderately so. They weren't perhaps hardcore, but I saw nary a soul, nor a car when I walked to the track an hour earlier, so I figure to being anywhere at 8am Saturday shows dedication. I looked at other things, the people walking by me (two guys and one girl, discussing an episode of Friends). I saw that the parking lot by the tennis courts was still empty. I walked, and observed, and listened to myself, my observations being articulated flawlessly in my mind by the ever-dependable Liz Gilbert, naturally (if I had listened to The Secret Garden during my run they would have been narrated in a cockney British accent, presumably by Dickens). My mind drifted to the less immediately observable, and I thought about our western culture, and how it is so focused on achieving as opposed to accepting. I thought about how much better I feel when I eat fresh veggies and how I couldn't explain that to someone without making it sound like I just would like to lose weight.

I thought, "I wish I had someone to share all my thoughts with."

that dweem wiffin a dweem...

2010-01-15T21:48:00.000-08:00

Eliza and I talking about dating: common.
Remarkable quote: common.
Me remembering to write it down and share it with the world: unusual.

"I think that instead of learning to put on our own oxygen masks before we jump into a marriage, we think that marrige is the oxygen mask."-Eliza

This quote precipitated by an interview with Elizabeth Gilbert.

New room

2010-01-11T20:17:00.000-08:00

My roommates kindly switched rooms with me and Katy, so I could fall asleep. Previously my bed was against the wall next to the living room.

Legend: (top right, clockwise)
Fall trees with path
Monet - Les Barques
Picture of awesomeness at the Vegas Bowl
The Muppets
Albert Einstien
"College as America used to understand it is coming to an end." (Please discuss.) NY Times essay contest, July 2007
Print out of illustration by Dice Tsutsumi

Don Quixote - Picasso
Lucy and Ricky Ricardo (Lucille Ball)
Thanksgiving hand turkey from FHE (everyone wrote compliments on it)
Quote from one of my pals to boost my self-esteem
Brooklyn Bridge - Andy Warhol
Set of prints of Mark Louis Weinberg (saved from exhibit at BYU)
Flier from The Ease show three years ago for my 21st birthday party
(Yes that is a Doug doll on my bed. He's been with me since seventh grade.)

High School Musical 3. And we are not ashamed.
B/W picture of Andrew McMahon. To remind me that there is always someone who understands.
Against the Sky - Robert Reid
Shelly Vrooman (Fitzgerald) and I at the TCU game a few years ago
Emily and I at the Brick Oven 4 years ago
Rachel and Carter's engagement photo
John and Ashley's Disneyland pic
and lastly
The Beatles.
There is a picture of Audrey Hepburn looking indecisive on my door.

The end.

Allergies

2010-01-01T16:58:00.000-08:00

I am stuck downtown in my parents office because I succumbed to my allergies of furry things around 12:30 am New Years Eve. So Mom packed up supplies, and we went down to the office to camp out until my runny nose subsided.

I have yet to return home because I hate runny noses, and sneezing. Mom left this morning, and brought me food today, and I've been watching movies and chillaxing in her office in the recliner. It has been a one of a kind New Years.

My sole consolation in confinement has been this awesome video. I love it.

life

2009-12-26T10:28:00.000-08:00

Whenever I come home, I find myself planning the rest of my life in my head. Where I want to live (California) and how (off the grid, with my showering needs being met by my YMCA membership). Life back in Provo gets so much clearer when I think about what I really need and what I really want, when I'm sitting in my parents living room.

Lately I've been really concerned with being environmentally friendly. I know that green has been this year's black, but I mean in a serious way. Sometimes I wish I lived by myself, so I wouldn't have to make compromises on what kind of soap we buy, or how many ziploc bags we use. I think there are a lot of things I would change about my lifestyle, if I felt like I could, but the main issue is time. Of course it would be great to make myself some re-usable snack bags to use instead of always meeting my needs with the ever-convenient disposable kind, but that would definitely take a couple of Saturdays. I think that's how I used to think about cooking though. I used to think about cooking in terms of time and convenience (hello, pasta!), but this semester, when I started to cook my own meals, I found that I really enjoyed it. And even though I'm switching back to a (much) busier schedule this next semester, I have planned a few hours to cook each week to prepare my meals. Hopefully the lifestyle change will continue.

I am really excited for this next semester. Even though it was nice having a lot of free time, I feel like it is more important for me to be actively spending my time doing meaningful things, instead of catering to my own needs. And, truthfully, I think being engaged in a cause higher than my own interests is healthy for me. I feel like my life was meant to be dedicated to something, and the more structure I have to meet that goal, the better.

I also am thinking about where I want to get a job this summer. I'm pretty sure I don't want to hang out in Provo. I'm seriously thinking about working at a Disney resort, or just writing my favorite companies, and seeing if any of them need a happy, hardworking, capable almost-college grad for the summer. I figure there's always more coffee to be gofered, right?

I'm listening.

2009-12-18T20:20:00.000-08:00

Someone told me that today. Here's to all you listeners out there; you don't even know, most days, how badly you are needed.

Schedule

2009-12-17T07:44:00.000-08:00

My plans for winter break:
17-21 Laze about the house.
22 Wisdom teeth appt (boo).
23 Getting wisdom teeth out (Double boo. Any shakes brought by the house would be appreciated)
24 Getting over wisdom teeth (see note above).
25 MERRY CHRISTMAS!
26 Lazing again.
27 Religion.
28 Twiddling thumbs.
29 Going to Champaign IL for a friend's wedding!!! Woot!
30 Marvel at the snow and how much I miss it in Utah. The amount of snow they get there is ridiculous. Much less.
31 No New Years plans yet, but if I were to go somewhere I'd want to sleep over there on account of drunk drivers and all.
1 Recover from NY partying
2 Definitely going to Kroll's for a burger. Even though I've turned vegetarian. I figure once a year won't kill me.
3 Fly back to college.

looking

2009-12-14T12:54:00.000-08:00

Do you ever catch a glimpse of yourself in a window, and realize you don't look like who you think you do? Today I felt like I didn't recognize my reflection, when I saw it in an unguarded moment. I stopped and actually looked, and I noticed my hair actually looks kind of good when I don't do anything to it; its' not the frizzy mess I remember from high school. My coat is doesn't fit me, and I don't stand straight. I also can look pretty hostile while mentally evaluating my own reflection. Or scrutinizing someone I don't think I know.

The Ball

2009-12-12T01:26:00.000-08:00

So Becca decided that we needed to be properly attired in masks for the formal dance this week, and we took some pictures of the process. We went and got paint at the local costume shop, and I let Becca have at it (meaning my face). I think it turned out really well, one boy at the dance didn't even recognize me!

Just the outline of a mask in silver pencil, with some gold dust on the inside:

Becca hard at work:

Closer to the final product:

We have some more pictures of all the roommates with the final product (Becca changed my hair eventually too) which I will post later.
Finally, all the glitter I peeled off my face at the end of the night:

It was a really fun dance. There were quite a few girls dressed up like us, and the actual dancing was great as well. All I have to say is that I'm going to have to work on my skills to make it in this ward. Overall, it was definitely worth it, and definitely a great experience.

I am a chef!

2009-12-06T08:05:00.000-08:00

A few months ago, I became a vegetarian, not because I believe meat as a food source is disgusting, or immoral, but because I became concerned about the super-commercialized meat industry, and its effect on our environment. I think (after doing some reading) that the meat industry, as a side effect of becoming so darn commercialized, produces a huge carbon footprint, and also is inefficient in using our natural resources. Also, if we were to devote the resources we use for raising feed grain to raising real grain (for people's consumption) and just let cattle graze as they do naturally, not only would the cattle be healthier (although some could argue, less delicious) we could then redirect that grain to places that need it, and have an impact on world poverty. I also think we eat too much meat as a society, seeing as you can get all the nutrients you need without eating meat, if you plan your diet with that in mind.

So lately, I've made my first foray into the world of cooking, because it's become necessary for me to make and cook my own food, instead of relying on insta-foods that are common to such college existences such as mine. I have found it as very rewarding. I just thought I would share what I have been able to make (in a celebratory tone).

(if you don't want to read about all these recipes, I continue blogging near the bottom of this post)
***
From Sam Stern's Real Food Real Fast (a cookbook I love because it has dishes divided up into sections based on the time it takes to make them. I haven't posted the recipes in full because I don't want to rob Samuel of his profits, should one of you want to buy his book. But if you call me, I will tell it to you over the phone, as a favor. Or a favour, should I say. Sam is British.)
-Leek and Watercress Soup (also very delicious if you substitute carrots for watercress, as watercress has a short shelf life, and is a little hard to come by)
-Fried Veggies (This is very basic, but it is what first taught me how long it takes to cook various food items; asparagus, squash, eggplant, etc. I also learned how mixing my favorite vegetables is DELICIOUS. Especially when cooked in a little bit of olive oil and garlic.)

From the NY Times recipes for health:
Eggplant, Tomato and Chickpea Casserole
Here is the link for this recipe.

This one I think I made pretty much exactly, and it was great. Who would have thought to mix tomatoes and cinnamon?! A pleasant surprise.

1 large eggplant or 2 medium (1 pound), peeled if desired, cut in half lengthwise, then sliced about 1/2 inch thick
Salt to taste
3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
1 large onion, sliced thin across the grain
2 to 4 garlic cloves (to taste), minced
1 (28-ounce) can chopped tomatoes
2 tablespoons tomato paste
Pinch of sugar
1/8 teaspoon cinnamon
1 sprig basil
1 (15-ounce) can chickpeas, drained
3 tablespoons chopped flat-leaf parsley (optional)
1. Preheat the oven to 450 degrees. Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil, and brush the foil with olive oil. Place the eggplant slices on the foil, sprinkle with salt and brush each slice lightly with oil. Place in the oven for 15 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove from the heat, and carefully fold the foil in half over the eggplant. Crimp the edges together, so that the eggplant is sealed inside the foil and will continue to steam and soften. Leave for at least 15 minutes.
2. Meanwhile, make the tomato sauce. Heat 2 tablespoons olive oil in a large, heavy skillet over medium heat. Add the onion. Cook, stirring often, until tender, about five minutes, and add the garlic and a generous pinch of salt. Cook, stirring, until the garlic is fragrant, about a minute. Add the tomatoes, tomato paste, sugar, cinnamon, basil and salt to taste. Bring to a simmer, and simmer uncovered, stirring often, for 20 to 25 minutes, until the sauce is thick and fragrant. Add freshly ground pepper, then taste and adjust salt. Remove the basil sprig, and stir in the drained chickpeas.
3. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Oil a 2-quart baking dish or gratin. Cover the bottom with thin layer of tomato sauce, and make a layer of half the eggplant. Spoon half the remaining sauce over the eggplant, and repeat the layers.
4. Bake 30 minutes, until bubbling. Remove from the heat, and allow to cool for at least 10 to 15 minutes. Sprinkle on the parsley before serving.
Yield: Serves four to six.
Advance preparation: You can assemble this dish through step 3 up to two days ahead. Keep it in the refrigerator. Leftovers will be good for about three days.
-MARTHA ROSE SHULMAN

I also plugged in the recipe to sparkpeople.com and calculated nutrition information. This is for one serving or, 1/6 of the pan.
Amount Per Serving
Calories 240.2
Total Fat 8.6 g
Saturated Fat 1.2 g
Polyunsaturated Fat 1.7 g
Monounsaturated Fat 5.3 g
Cholesterol 0.0 mg
Sodium 274.0 mg
Potassium 885.8 mg
Total Carbohydrate 38.1 g
Dietary Fiber 9.8 g
Sugars 2.1 g
Protein 7.1 g
Vitamin A 20.0 %
Vitamin B-12 0.0 %
Vitamin B-6 32.5 %
Vitamin C 35.2 %
Vitamin D 0.0 %
Vitamin E 3.8 %
Calcium 5.3 %
Copper 17.7 %
Folate 26.6 %
Iron 12.8 %
Magnesium 16.2 %
Manganese 44.9 %
Niacin 10.8 %
Pantothenic Acid    10.1 %
Phosphorus    14.9 %
Riboflavin 9.3 %
Selenium 5.3 %
Thiamin 13.6 %
Zinc 8.2 %

Green Bean Salad With Chickpeas and Mushrooms
Here is the link to this recipe.

I made this recipe a second time, and I used different herbs, mostly because I discovered I did not care for marjoram. I recommend parsley, cilantro, and green onions. I also substituted balsamic vinegar for the sherry vinegar, and I did not add any mustard. I never thought that as a vegetarian, I would need mustard, but it appears I'm going to have to make some. When steaming the green beans, as I do not own a steamer, I put a little bit of water in a small pot (6-inch diameter, with about an 1/2 to 1 inch covering its base) and then put the green beans in there, bringing it to boiling, with a lid on. Home-style trick, courtesy of Mom.

1/2 pound green beans
3 ounces mushrooms, cleaned, trimmed and sliced thin (about 1 1/4 cups)
2 cups cooked chickpeas, or 1 15-ounce can, drained and rinsed
1 ounce shaved Parmesan (about 1/4 cup)
3 tablespoons chopped fresh herbs, like chives, marjoram, parsley and tarragon
1 tablespoon freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 tablespoon sherry vinegar
Salt to taste
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1 small garlic clove, green shoot removed, finely minced or put through a press
6 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
Freshly ground pepper
Optional: 1/4 red pepper, sliced
1. Steam or blanch the green beans for five minutes, then cool in a bowl of ice water. Drain and trim the stems. If the beans are very long, break in half.
2. Combine the beans, mushrooms, chickpeas, Parmesan and herbs in a salad bowl. In a small bowl or measuring cup, whisk together the lemon juice, vinegar, salt, mustard and garlic. Whisk in the olive oil.
3. Toss the dressing with the bean mixture shortly before serving. If desired, garnish with red pepper slices or toss them with the salad.
Yield: Serves 4.
Advance preparation: Assemble the ingredients and make the dressing several hours before serving. Cover with plastic so the mushrooms don’t dry out. Toss just before serving so that the beans retain their bright color.

This nutrition information is for one serving or 1/4 recipe

Calories 187.0
Total Fat 3.4 g
Saturated Fat 1.4 g
Polyunsaturated Fat 0.7 g
Monounsaturated Fat 0.9 g
Cholesterol 5.0 mg
Sodium 480.7 mg
Potassium342.7 mg
Total Carbohydrate 30.7 g
Dietary Fiber 6.5 g
Sugars 0.4 g
Protein 9.8 g
Vitamin A 6.8 %
Vitamin B-12 1.8 %
Vitamin B-6 31.1 %
Vitamin C 19.0 %
Vitamin D4.0 %
Vitamin E 0.7 %
Calcium 13.8 %
Copper 15.1 %
Folate 24.1 %
Iron 11.6 %
Magnesium 11.9 %
Manganese 39.9 %
Niacin 6.1 %
Pantothenic Acid    7.5 %
Phosphorus    18.9 %
Riboflavin 10.7 %
Selenium 10.1 %
Thiamin 5.4 %
Zinc 11.2 %

After conquering a few of these I decided I was ready to get fancy. Thus when I saw a recipe in the Oprah magazine (my favorite!) where I recognized all of the ingredients, I decided to give it a try.
Orange Chocolate Mousse
Here is the link to this recipe.

When I made this I substituted 2 Tablespoons unsweetened orange juice (Simply Orange is my favorite brand of OJ ever) and 1/2 teaspoon orange extract for the Grand Marnier.
I do not have a double boiler, so I used a 4-inch deep frying pan and a small wok pan on top of that to create that effect. I filled the frying pan with just enough water so that as it boiled it touched the bottom of the wok pan, and it worked beautifully
I also am using whipped cream and mint instead of the candied orange peel, etc, that they recommend for a garnish. I just made this last night, and as today is fast Sunday I won't get to eat it for about 8-10 hours yet. I can tell you however, from licking the bowl and beaters, that it tasted like a dark chocolate orange.

Ingredients:

Serves 6

5 ounces coarsely chopped bittersweet chocolate
2 Tbsp. coffee or water
2 Tbsp. Grand Marnier
4 large eggs , preferably organic
1 cup chilled heavy cream
1 Tbsp. sugar
Candied orange peel , for garnish; available at Amazon.com
Edible gold flakes , for garnish; available at Amazon.com

Combine chocolate, coffee (or water), and Grand Marnier in the top of a double boiler. Stir until melted and smooth. Remove from heat. Separate eggs. When chocolate has cooled, whisk in yolks.

In a medium bowl, whip chilled heavy cream to soft peaks. In another bowl, beat egg whites until foamy; add sugar, and beat to soft peaks. Fold half of whites into chocolate until incorporated, then fold in rest of whites. Finally, fold in whipped cream.

Spoon mousse into 6 glasses; chill at least 4 hours. To serve, top each glass with candied orange peel and gold flakes.

Some of you may notice I have not put up the nutrition info for this dish. Hm.

***

I really enjoy cooking. I never thought I would because cooking usually connotes a stressful situation to me, and I am the LEAST comfortable person when I am in performance mode. However, if I am cooking only for myself, which usually happens, as I don't know many other vegetarians nearby, it takes away the pressure, and turns it into a creative experience.
Cooking for me is a lot like gardening, I think. I attended a class on depression this last semester, and one of the hobbies they actually recommended to people suffering from depression was gardening, because of the satisfaction that comes from creation, working with your hands, and seeing the success of your efforts. Cooking is very fulfilling in that same way for me. It's sort of like when I took my first bookbinding class, and realized that I love bookbinding. I love it for the sense of using my hands and creating a work of art in a visual and material way. To cut all the sheets of paper to a certain size, line them up, sew them together properly; and to cut and paper the cover how I want to make it, to make something that represents what I can do. It is the same physical creation aspect of cooking that appeals to me so much.

daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaating

2009-12-04T23:37:00.000-08:00

I don't know if this has happened to any of the other ladies out there, but last week I was conned into another date by a boy who I tried to tell to stop dating me. It went something like this:
Me: I enjoy spending time with you, but I think it's better we just be friends.
Boy: Yes, definitely, I know and I agree with you, we are good friends, thus I want to get to know you better on that friendly level, and I'd like to do that by going on more dates with you.
Do you notice how he makes it sound like we are on the same side until the very end of his sentence? That con man. We had our third date this week, and it was actually really fun, as dates with this particular guy always are. I'm not saying I really like-like him yet (you know what I mean) but it was fun. I'm just sayin', I'll keep you posted.

School is getting stressful with finals and whatnot, everyone is feeling it I think. I always think it is some sort of cruel joke that the weather gets colder as school gets harder. As if we needed any more deterrents to going to class.

I stopped by an apartment in the ward recently to tell them about other romantic matters (not the one mentioned previously) and it felt really good to go tell someone about what I had been thinking about for weeks. Moreover, they told me to keep them posted, and to stop by whenever I feel like it. I forget sometimes that people do want to hear about my life, and that sometimes it is me putting up the barrier to communication, and not them.

I love you, California

2009-11-24T10:20:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I went on a road trip to California. My friends Bryce and Brittany were running a triathalon, and I just came along for the ride.
Here are excerpts from the notes the trip inspired:
***
I think I definitely need meditation time in my life. The ability to just sit and think about my life after I wake up is wonderful.

I love the group mentality of people at athletic races, it is just awesome. Everyone is trying to be their best... I think I'm going to pretend the rest of my life is a marathon. Because it is.

(this was inspired by listening to a musical in the car and hearing them say "your life will never be the same)
Is there something wrong with wanting your life to be the same? I've had some of the hardest times in my life come from my life changing when I didn't want it to. What's wrong with same-ness?
***
I loved this trip. We got to visit Ventura beach (I didn't get pictures because it was dark out) but it was so cool because I felt like I knew California from how much west coast punk music I listened to growing up. It was like a pilgrimage to Mecca, finally being where Andrew McMahon was talking about all those years ago.

This is the lake where the triathalon was held.

Beautiful California:

p.s. San Dimas high school football rules! (see also: Loni Philbrick-Lindzmeyer's punk rock mix, opening song, The Ataris)

Daily News

2009-11-21T00:37:00.000-08:00

Today I:
Found out people actually read this blog. Although this is exciting, it is also rather intimidating. Here we go self-consciousness, nice to see you.
Presented an article in American Literature class purporting that if Walt Whitman lived today, he would sympathize deeply with the movement known as "Rock and Roll."
Saw S-blade and he said that he and Whitney are moving in a month! Sadness! Called Whitney, to affirm.
Saw one of my friends from freshmen year in line in the testing center and didn't actually try to talk to him because whenever I see people from that set I feel embarrassed remembering how self-conscious and awkward I was that year. Who wasn't? But I still don't like to bring up those feelings, so I just don't say hi. Sad, isn't it? It's easier to get to know new people than to talk to people you've known a long time. I feel like I recycle the same conversation with person, unless I am actually a close friend. I eavesdropped what he was saying to his buddy in line anyway. I really do want to know how he's doing.
Ran (read: jogged/walked in intervals) 4.7 miles in one hour. My fastest mile was 9:48.
Ate delicious Japanese Eggplant pizza
Had to leave the room so I could laugh as loud as I wanted to when Cameron told Katy (in regard to his virgin lips) "We could change that right now." Oh my gosh, I love that kid.
Watched Channing Tatum. The most graceful man I have ever seen.

que lastima

2009-11-03T09:17:00.000-08:00

One of the elders I worked with every week, and was a great worker, went home before he left the MTC.