things I want my visiting teachers to do but would never actually ask them to

• sort the pile at the end of my bed into clean clothes/dirty laundry and then DO the laundry bit
• go to the mall to pick up some of my favorite bubble bath
• find a boy to hold me until I feel better

I'm obsessed with the song "Bulletproof" by La Roux
Susie endorses the obsession
"It's a good song,"

I,
on the other hand
am not so sure
"except that it gives me
unrealistic expectations about emotional stability"
I respond

Ellie, Louisa and I sang along to it
at the top of our lungs
a good moment

I try to re-create it
singing along
at the top of my lungs
on my own

and to me
my voice comes out flat

my little sister is visiting

guys,
the usual process
with sixteen year olds and me
is me putting them in a desk
and making them think about something

I have years of training
leading to that point

somehow that might not work this time
I think

getting a part of my soul back

is what it felt like
to put on my beat-up, neon plaid,
Chuck Taylors

love them.

I had trouble throwing away the pair I wore out climbing to the Y my freshman year.

 I've had these for six years now. Same problem.

worksheet

gotta love these fifth graders.


very clever my young Luis. Very clever. This is the same boy who asked me to take him to Rio.

what i did today

I get paid for this.

they buried me to my knees

and then Clowey threw her arms around my neck,

and said, "you're never leaving, ever!" 

and hugged me 

if there is more to life than that feeling

of being held tightly

I haven't found it yet

or anything that comes remotely close

I have the best job in the world.

Today I found this album

which has Alan Rickman reading "My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun" (track 4)

pretty much the greatest thing I ever heard. I bought it, obviously. But the whole album, not just the one. I felt it a pretty good deal, and a worthy investment. I've started to watch/listen to more Shakespeare in my free time. I love it.

I am so good at procrastinating homework

this is what I do (or don't do, as the case may be) instead:

this was the first incarnation.

here is the new and improved version:

the bolded ones are ones I didn't get done every day of the set, and so I know they are my weak points.

I love routines. The trouble is, I don't love making them. But this chart has worked wonders so far. It's on the bathroom wall by the sink so I check it off when I am brushing my teeth.

the list

favorite movies:
West Side Story
Singin' in the Rain
That Thing You Do!
You've Got Mail!
Twelve Angry Men
Lars and the Real Girl
Good Will Hunting
The Breakfast Club
Star Wars

In no particular order. I just was on  a date tonight and was thinking about it. People judge you so based on lists. Unfortunately I can never think of my favorites at the time.

"don't forget to write to philip"

it is one of my daily goals.
and my roommate emily reminds me of it
"writing to philip" does not mean i have a missionary out in the field
(thank goodness)

i used to have this therapist
who told me i was a winner
and that i could do what i want
(essentially)
he's made a great impact on my life
(obviously)
so i named a journal after him
which is what writing to philip means

i just finished three pages
when i was only intent on a paragraph
maybe i still need a philip after all

quotes from Alexis O.

"Teacher, are you married, or alone?"
"I'm not married, Alexis."
"Why don't you just ask one of your friends to marry you then?"
"That's a good idea Alexis, maybe I will."


When Alexis got bowled over by a fifth-grader playing soccer

*Alexis cries mightily*
"Jose can you apologize to Alexis"
"Hey, I'm sorry, it was an accident"
"Alexis do you accept Jose's apology?"
*sniffs* "Yes...I JUST DON'T WANT MY MOM TO THINK I RUINED MY PANTS SHE WILL KIIIIIIIIILLL ME!"
"Would you like me to write a note to your Mom, explaining that it wasn't your fault" (His pants were covered in mud"
"Yeah..." *sniff sniff*decrease in crying*

things I am giving up for lent:

1. hope

I realize some of you may be alarmed by this. It's not exactly what it seems. What I mean is,  that I'm working on my acceptance of my life, and not thinking things like "I should be done by now," or "I should be ________ by now." I think I just need to accept where I am and be content. This doesn't mean I don't have hopes for the future, but I do know that me dwelling on what makes me frustrated about my life isn't good for me. So I've decided not to.

2. Not blogging.

Hard to believe, I know, this blog has been so incredibly un-updated as of late. But I will try to change that.